Tuesday, June 05, 2007

A Heart Grieves

The sadness isn't lifting.

I want to escape it. Runaway. Somehow pretend that this will go away.

I want to reach out to my in-laws but don't want to bother them. I mean, what do you say, "Hey Tod, this is Ben. I'm really sad today." How does that help anyone? I hate answering my phone right now.

I got up early today. Had a good time with God--but was consumed by grief. I still don't want to believe my eyes.

I saw the body laid in the dirt--and I hated it. I hate that God has done this.

I disagree with what you're doing Lord. But You have made the decision Father. You have taken Connor home. You have left this hole in my heart--in my family's heart--and I'm just feeling exhausted and lost.

Lord, bring Your presence to Tod's house today. Bring peace, hope and faith in abundance. I can't see my way out of this. Don't ignore my prayer Jesus. I have no one else to turn to but You. You alone can mend these wounds. Just say "yes"--that's all I need. I need my Creator today.

2 comments:

Cheryl said...

Just wishing Jeff and I could pop over, bring dinner and hand out hugs.
We love you guys so much.

Ben said...

Someday Cheryl, someday! We feel the love--your friendship is such a treasure to Trisha! Thank you for all of your prayers!